By Dennis Imaan.
#INENSO I have Lived With Depression, I am still Fighting It Daily!
One thing about me that most of the 4999 people on my Facebook 'Friends' list would not know is that, just last year, I was Living with Depression and until now, I fight it daily.
About 3 Times this close to suicide and only about 2 people may know about it.
My depression has evolved as I've gotten to live with it and find way to deal with it, and I've realized that the way I live with it needs to evolve too.
Yesterday when I was battling with the same signs that nearly made me take my own life last year, I decided to be different. I would rather rant on social media and vent what pulls me into depression on this wall. My inbox is not short of concerned people when I rant here. Which I appreciate.
Having survived last year, I’m still trying to convince myself that depression is a battle I can win. I say this understanding that it might be exactly what others need in their journeys through their own depression, and that at some point in my life it was exactly what I needed. I got it from different sources.
I suspect we spin depression into heroism so that we won’t be punished for living with it, let alone discussing it or acting in ways that help us take it out of our lives. After a very long period, my depression got me back to drinking and going out to dance and made me hate some church doctrines and sermons. That is how I survived my worst days.
I sometimes smile while I have battles inside me and little voices constantly telling me, "Just give up!"
The triumph over depression comes prematurely, as if to move past the ugly reality of depression as quickly as possible. The single-minded focus on victory elides the overwhelming likelihood that the battle will return, and return, and return. Well it eventually always return.
I don’t blame anyone for preferring the victory, whether they live with depression or love someone who does. When facing a decision to either sit and cry with someone or cheer them on, the latter is usually the more appealing choice. For me, it’s also the hollow one. Depression is scary, and when I’m in it, I want someone to see that fear, believe it, and share it, so that maybe I might feel less of it. Maybe that’s selfish.
But for me, now, it feels like the only way to move forward. This is why I have made a choice that every time I am in deep depression, I will look at whatever is causing me to be depressed and put it into voices and texts that I can throw all over the platforms where when one sees it and feels it, they can share how they also feel about it.
In a series of things that I have written for myself some of which which contain the fact that I couldn’t care for myself, that I wanted to kill myself, perhaps the most embarrassing admission is this: Walking to work on a morning when fear almost kept me in bed, wrapped up on the couch on a night when I’ve bailed on all the plans I really thought I could keep, standing at a party and paranoid that everyone can see what’s wrong with me, the thought that I need to open up and speak what really is on my mind to people who think I have my life figured out and things are 101% with me.
This is why I will be sharing my real life stories and things I go through everyday so that someone can know it is okay not to be okay and that not all who look like they are okay, they are okay.
FOLLOW MY JOURNEY! LETS FIGHT DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE TOGETHER. Share your story of fighting depression with the Hashtag #Inenso
Dennis Imaan is a Global Citizen born and currently staying in Malawi. He loves to share his experiences and lessons with others. Travel, Tourism, Innovations, Media and Youth development are close to his heart.